Let Us Be! One last thought about MickyD’s

By Forrest Greenslade
Posted Friday, June 13, 2008

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Pittsboro, NC - If we let the Golden Arches into Pittsboro, what will come in next — a salad bar? Who speaks against the exploitation, intimidation, and outright slaughter of millions of creatures of color – the color green – the color orange – the color purple — the color yellow? I do.

I tell you, the violence must end. Think of the horror! Creamed corn! Mashed potatoes! Sliced Beets! Diced onions! Shredded lettuce! If that’s not bad enough, they aren’t satisfied with the wholesale slaughter of adults. No now they’re stalking baby limas and tender young sprouts. Where will it end?

Just turn on your television sets. Look at all the instruments of death. The Ginsu! The vegamatic! The salad shooter! That’s right – the salad shooter. Where will it end?

I stand against the Agricultural/Industrial Complex. Where do you think they raise these helpless creatures? Farms! Yes, Farms. Gone are the days of the free-range turnip. At least they were free to lounge in their native dirt, until some juice thirsty savage pureed them into a so call health drink. Healthy for whom? Certainly not the turnip. Now hapless turnips are confined to farms, where they live their short lives cramped into tight rows, composted, fertilized, thinned out – yes thinned out – and then pureed into some savage’s concoction. And here is something that you probably don’t know about farming. They force these vegetables to perform asexual reproduction. That’s right – asexual reproduction! Now we have genetically engineered corn! Radiated seeds! Micro waved popcorn! Instant mashed potatoes! Where will it end?

And who speaks for the tofu? Who cries out against for the savage slaughter of millions of hopeless tofus, snatched from their mother’s arms, only to be served up in some vicious vegetarian menu? It has become an international crisis. Only last week in Carrboro, there was an outbreak of mad tofu disease. And, now they are rioting in Korea, fearing that the import of American veggies will certainly lead to an epidemic of root and shoot disease. Where will it end?

I stand against discrimination in education. Where are the educational opportunities for young vegetables? I tell you – a rind is a terrible thing to waste. I stand against discrimination in the work place. Sure there are more veggies in the workplace than there used to be, but they still come up against the grass ceiling. Where will it end?

It is time to take a stand. It is time for all vegetables to stand with me. It is time for all vegetables to shout out “Hell no – we won’t grow — Hell no – we won’t grow — Hell no – we won’t grow — Hell no – we won’t grow ”

Just Veg Out!